Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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