as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
