just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
