hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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