Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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