May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
