I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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