Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
