I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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