How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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