chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
