Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
