yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
