Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
