Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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