So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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