i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
