Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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