and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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