i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
