you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
two words...techno handjob
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
