He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
