I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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