Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize