Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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