i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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