hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
