We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
