i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
