what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
