Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
