I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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