Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
