Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
