toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
