Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
