I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
