ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
