You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
