i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
