i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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