I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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