dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
