Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
