It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
