I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
