I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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