whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
