No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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