somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
porn star boner night. come get it.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
