I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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