I just threw up on my dentist
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
