i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
