I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
