I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
