No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
