I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
