Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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