My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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